The Evil Cackle Of Evil
Ryan stepped forward into the cave.
Slowly but surely he made his way, one cautious step after another.
As he progressed further he spied a light at the end of the tunnel … a fire perhaps?
Further and further Ryan crept, brighter and brighter the light appeared.
“Gold, gold,” growled a voice unseen, “never too much, never grows old.”
Ryan braced himself and stepped ever further until the tunnel withdrew to reveal a cave within a cave and there before Ryan lay not a fire, but the glow of purest gold, pile upon pile.
Duke Duke’s Lair.
Ryan stepped into the light.
“Gold, gold,” growled the voice once more, “never too much, never grows old.”
The menacing tone lingered above, and sure enough as Ryan’s eyes rose they fell upon the features of the evil Duke Duke crouched atop the highest pile of gold Ryan had ever seen.
Clad in a robe wove from gold thread, gold rings decorating each finger, golden sword hung at his side, a sparkling golden crown at a rakish angle atop his head, Duke Duke appeared a gruesome golden deliverer of doom.
Suddenly the Duke leapt from his perch to the ground below.
Landing with a crash he began to pace back and forth. His eyes never leaving Captain Ryan, Duke Duke growled, “I believe I am the one for whom you search, I am honored you consider me worth an effort so.” His sneer revealed a set of golden teeth. “You are witness to the majesty that is glorious gold, yet if you come not as friend then you come as foe.”
“Yes it’s all terribly … sparkly,” replied Ryan. “Any chance you could ease up on the rhymes?”
“I need no rhymes to defeat you Sir,” growled the evil Duke Duke. “I am already champion of all I survey. Do you see all the gold?”
“It’s hard not to see all the gold,” replied Ryan. “I like the teeth especially … although I suspect you must have gone through more than a little pain to have those fitted.”
“I am no stranger to pain Sir.”
“Splendid, as I expect it shall be just as painful when I remove them.”
Duke Duke smiled his golden smile. “I admire your courage Sir, I truly do, and you must have a way with a blade to make it past my guards, but surely you cannot hope to defeat … Duke Duke!” With this the Duke gave a flourish and a bow.
“Yes I understand you are a Duke and you were also named Duke,” replied Ryan. “That’s unfortunate.”
“Unfortunate! Unfortunate! Ha ha ha!” Cackled Duke Duke “There is no such thing as unfortunate my dear pirate. I see no fortune, nor misfortune, only opportunity.”
“Now look here villain …”
“Villain! Villain! Ha, ha, ha!” Cackled Duke Duke once more. “I am no villain Sir!”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, you certainly cackle like a villain.”
“Tis no cackle pirate, tis a hearty laugh of scorn for those destined for death …”
“I hate to disappoint,” said Ryan, “but the Prince of Pirates does not plan to die this day.”
The Duke glared at Ryan and in a voice dripping with scorn he continued. “I have trained in the noble art of swordplay since I was a small boy. Each morning, each evening, my tutors the finest swordsman the world could offer. As the sun rose on each new day, I trained. While my brother snored, I trained. I woke each day to the sound of my tutors orders. I woke each day to the sounds of war. I fear no man, I fear no pirate, not even a Pirate Prince.”
“Remember this,” replied Ryan “while you trained, I fought. I have defeated more men in battle than you have had … big pieces of chicken.”
Duke Duke drew his sword and roared, “Enough! Begin!”
"Pause a moment." said Ryan.
"Pause a moment." said Ryan.
“A surrender so sudden? I’ll admit I’m somewhat disappointed,” smirked the Duke.
“No surrender,” said the Pirate Prince. “I simply want to make this a fair fight.” With this Ryan threw one sword to the ground.
“Begin!” Roared the Duke.
“Wait,” said Ryan. “I said I wanted to make this a fair fight.” With this the Pirate Prince threw his remaining sword to the ground. “I fight with honour, from the corner of right and true. You fight only when cornered, and this hour you receive your due. You see …” Ryan said with a smile, “I can rhyme also.”
Ryan continued. “I desire a fair fight, and a fair fight I shall receive.”.
The Pirate Prince now stood before the Evil Duke Duke without weapon of any kind.
The Duke cackled his most cackly cackle. “I cannot promise you a fair fight pirate, but I can surely promise a quick fight.”
The Duke cackled his most cackly cackle. “I cannot promise you a fair fight pirate, but I can surely promise a quick fight.”
“Oh it will be quick Sir, of that I can assure you,” said Ryan.
Unarmed but eyes alight the Prince of Pirates issued instruction. “Let it begin ...”
The Duke launched himself at Ryan, slicing the air as Ryan deftly avoided the attack.
Duke Duke swung and Ryan avoided.
Duke Duke swung and Ryan avoided once more.
Further and further forward pressed the evil Duke as Ryan again and again leaned, ducked, and dodged the swinging sword of his enemy.
In mounting frustration Duke Duke swung wildly, his blade narrowly missing the Pirate Prince as Ryan dove and rolled to one side.
Quickly regaining his feet Ryan leapt high into the air as the evil Duke Duke, blind with rage, swung wildly once more.
The Duke looked to his left.
The Duke looked to his right.
Captain Ryan was nowhere to be seen.
The Pirate Prince’s whereabouts were revealed soon enough as a loud and heroic ‘Tally Ho!’ rang from above.
It was too late for the evil Duke however.
Before he could react, while the proud “Tally Ho” still rallied within the cavern walls, Ryan landed right on top of the evil Duke Duke’s evil head, driving him down, down, deep down into the ground.
Duke Duke swayed left, swayed right, and finally with one final gasp hung his head, his golden sword falling from his lifeless hand.
The Pirate Prince was triumphant!
He had defeated the scourge of the Kingdom, he had triumphed over evil.
Our Hero Emerges Triumphant
The pirate crew waited desperately outside the entrance to the cave, with the knowledge that only one man would emerge, but would it be their brave Captain or the evil Duke Duke?
Stumpy, Indigo, Swift and Tall Frank all stood together anxiously, eyes peeled for any sign.
And then the sound of footsteps emerged from the cave. Quick, quicker … somebody was running toward them!
The pirate crew readied themselves for battle in case the evil Duke Duke had been victorious and all was lost.
But they need not fear for the sound of the scampering feet belonged to the scampering Captain Ryan, Prince of Pirates!
“Hurrah!” Cried the pirate crew as Ryan emerged from the cave.
“Hurrah!” Cried the Mimes, turning their backs on their captives to join in the celebrations.
“Hurrah!” Cried the evil guards as they took the opportunity to escape.
“Hurrah indeed!” Cried the Pirate Prince and with a “Tally Tally!” Ryan leapt and somersaulted in glee.
Landing squarely on his feet the Captain addressed his men. “Men, do not worry about your place in history, for we are all assured everlasting fame for what we have achieved this day. Also, do not worry about those escaped guards who have just now fled down the mountain.”
“What?” Cried Vindito turning around to see an empty space where only moments ago stood many prisoners. “Whoops!”
“Come with me men,” continued Ryan his voice barely containing his excitement, “and bring all your strength, for you will need it to carry out such a prize as this cave does possess.”
Anxiously the men approached the cave.
Captain Ryan had just defeated the evil Duke Duke and was surely the most courageous and skillful of pirates, but he was also given to the odd exaggeration …
Would the treasure live up to the Captains boast?
“Follow my voice men,” said Ryan as they entered the darkness. “You shall see for yourselves soon enough what riches lie in store”
The men followed the Captains cries of “Onward! Onward!” as they stepped ever so cautiously through the darkness.
Suddenly in the distance there appeared a bright light. The men nearly stopped dead in their tracks, but Ryan persisted ever forward toward the distant glow and the men soon followed.
“Do not be afraid men! Onward! Onward!” Cried Ryan. “It is the welcoming glow of triumph! Destiny sends her signal!”
“My goodness!” Said Stumpy. With this the able first mate approached the light with growing excitement, excitement which spread until every man strode confidently behind the Captain, and so it was with great anticipation the Pirate-Mime crew stepped from the tunnel into Duke Duke’s Lair. There they came to a halt, overcome by a sight beyond their wildest imagination.
Before them lay gold, pile upon pile of shimmering gold, fashioned in such marvelous ways as to be almost beyond description. Dazzling doubloons, glorious gold goblets, tremendous tiara’s, spectacular scepters.
“For glory’s sake,” whispered Ryan, “I am almost lost for words. Here she is boys. Gold, gold, glorious gold.”
The pirates understood this was truly an awe inspiring moment, as Captain Ryan rarely spoke at even a reasonable volume, so for him to whisper was a sure sign that what was before them was surely remarkable.
“Tis more gold than I imagined possible,” whispered Stumpy.
“Tis the treasure of all treasures,” whispered Swift.
“Tis so pretty, so sparkly, if I wasn’t so tough I’d surely cry,” whispered Indigo.
“Tis much taller than even I,” whispered Tall Frank.
And so it was, more gold than even Stumpy could imagine, the treasure of all treasures, enough to nearly make a grown man cry, gold piled so high as to be much taller than even Tall Frank.
With much gusto and glee the men gathered the gold as Ryan strode toward Vindito, his new friend and comrade at arms.
“Well Sir, together we have achieved the impossible,” said Ryan “I hope you will abide by your vow and join us in returning the treasure to the Kingdom.”
“Have no fear,” replied Vindito. “I have learnt a true lesson this day. Not for I the life of the bandit. I have discovered I am truly a mime, for good or ill.”
“And mimes do not steal?” Teased Ryan with a cheeky grin.
“Never! We may borrow frequently from friends and family, but never steal.”
“Well spoken Sir.”
“And now,” said Vindito sadly, “I feel I must say goodbye to my fly friends.” The former bandit took a moment and then began. “As much as I love you all,” he said to his fly companions, “I must follow my dream and so … I can no longer be super smelly. So my friends I must … I must …. I must …” Vindito’s bottom lip began to tremble. “I must bathe occasionally.” He swallowed hard and continued. “Please believe me when I say that it is not you that has changed, it is me … you will always be in my heart.”
The flies seemed to understand, they flew in proud formation around Vindito’s head once, twice, three times before sailing off into the distance in search of someone else in need of companionship and a good long wash.
Vindito turned away from Ryan for a moment, wiped something from his eye and let out a quiet sob. “It is for the best, an artist must suffer for his art.”
Ryan stood silent throughout this performance.
Stumpy stood in silence.
Indigo and Swift stood in silence.
Tall Frank sat in silence, but felt moved all the same.
“You are a true artist Sir,” said Ryan. “Of that there is no doubt.” Then, taking one last look around the evil Duke Duke’s evil lair, now empty but for the fallen Duke Duke himself, Ryan exited the cave with his new friend, as they followed their men, each laden with as much gold as he could carry.
“One last thing,” Ryan asked Vindito, “how on earth did you and your men create that wall from thin air?”
“It wasn’t a wall Captain … it was thin air.”
“But that guard,” said Ryan confused, “he knocked himself unconscious!”
“Well Captain,” replied Vindito with a wink, “sometimes if you simply believe hard enough, anything is possible. Also … that guard was very, very silly.”
With a great roar of laughter Ryan and Vindito started down the mountain path leading a golden procession destined for the Castle, destined for triumph, destined for glory.
