Mystery In A Mulberry
Ryan stood.
Ryan stared.
Ryan stood and stared.
Ryan stood and stared at the Mulberry bush.
Ryan stood and stared at the Mulberry bush as it waved this way and as it waved that way, as it rustled, as it crinkled, as it fluttered and as it finally fell over.
“Behold, it is I Vindito the Bandit King!” Cried a rather muddy looking fellow as he jumped to his feet, dusting himself off as his proud fly friends resumed their flying formation. “I arrive here at this moment, ready for adventure, ready to battle Duke Duke!”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Said Ryan. “That’s what we’re doing. We have arrived. We are ready for adventure and we are ready to battle Duke Duke.”
“Well tough luck, we were here first!” Replied Vindito.
“What do you mean you were here first? We were here first! You’ve just been tagging along behind us the entire journey!”
“Never!”
“Yes you have!”
“No we haven’t!”
“Yes you have!”
“No we haven’t!”
This wasn’t getting anybody anywhere.
“This isn’t getting anybody anywhere,” said Captain Ryan. “Look, don’t you think it’s a bit of a coincidence that we both arrived here, at the same place, at the same time?”
“Yes, it is a bit of a coincidence I suppose,” replied Vindito.
“Possibly more than a coincidence?” Asked Ryan.
“I don’t know what you mean,” said Vindito.
“I put it to you that you followed us, that you somehow knew that adventure and treasure were at hand and decided to tag along to glory.”
“Well I never! I’m insulted …” Began Vindito.
Ryan interrupted. “I put it to you Sir, that you decided to follow us after discovering that we were setting off to recover treasure … after hearing that we were … after hearing …” with this Ryan stepped toward Gerald, the mime bandit with the extraordinarily large earmuffs. “I put it to you Sir, that these extraordinarily large earmuffs cover extraordinarily large ears!” With this he tore away Gerald’s earmuffs to indeed reveal extraordinarily large ears.
Gerald stood there, his face red, his extraordinarily large ears flapping in the breeze.
“Ha ha!” Roared Ryan in triumph “I have indeed revealed all. Your large eared bandit used his large ears for naughty purposes. He listened in on our quest for the Kingdom’s gold!”
Gerald’s face grew redder and redder still. “I am exposed! I have indeed used my enormous ears for mischief. It is true … this very day I used them to eavesdrop on a conversation between a Pirate Prince and a Crone. Oh the shame! Oh the shame! Oh the shame of it all!”
“There it is,” said Ryan. “An admission of guilt. I think we can all agree that you lot are followers and cheaters and taggers along and we are true adventurers, and therefore the adventure shall be ours. Hurrah!” Captain Ryan smiled his dazzling smile and rejoined his pirate crew.
“Wait,” said Stumpy, “perhaps there is another way.”
“Another way?” Said Ryan, “You must be mad Stumpy, quite mad, madly mad. Stumpy, I believe you have gone mad.”
“Perhaps Sir. Perhaps I have gone mad … but perhaps I am but a genius, for I suggest it is in all our best interests to join forces and together fight and defeat the evil Duke Duke.”
“Together?” Said Ryan.
“Together?” Said Vindito.
“Yes, together,” said Stumpy. “The evil guards are too many for even our brave pirate crew, and Vindito your mime bandits are no match for Duke Duke … but together we can conquer all.”
“What an unusual and surprising suggestion,” said Ryan.
“Indeed,” said Vindito. “Together we can conquer all.”
“Yes,” said Ryan. “Agreed. But, if we unite you must remember that this gold is to be returned to the Kingdom, it is not for tribute.”
“A shame indeed,” said Vindito, “but to be honest not much of a disappointment. I don’t really think banditry is for us after all.” With this Vindito stood aside, paused for dramatic effect and continued, “We’ve learned much from you and your pirate crew as you have lead and leapt your way across this land. You follow your heart’s desires, you charge ahead while others follow. We must do likewise. We must be who we truly are. We must no longer be Mime bandits. We must simply … be Mimes.”
“A fine lesson Sir and well put,” said Captain Ryan, rather overcome by the magnitude of the moment. “Very well, if you are ready to join this pirate crew then we welcome you, one and all … Hurrah!”
And so with a grand and unified ‘Hurrah’ the pirate crew and the Mimes joined forces to form the Pirate-Mime crew, the brave band who would dare challenge the evil Duke Duke for the right to the Kingdom’s gold.
There they stood, the Pirate-Mime crew.
Truly they were an odd looking bunch, of that it is true, yet together they believed they could win the day, that strength of spirit was often all that separated the good from the great.
Before them lay two hundred evil guards. A force far greater in number, but a force that fought for greed, that fought for mischief, that fought for general naughtiness and all round misbehavior.
It would be a battle for the ages.
Captain Ryan and Vindito stood side by side as they faced their destiny.
“I put my trust in you and your Mimes,” said Captain Ryan.
“They shall not let you down Sir.”
“Well then, here it is.”
The two opposing forces stared at each other across the battlefield. With a mighty “Chaaaaaaaaaarge!” Ryan ran headfirst into the enemy, his sword swung at such speed it seemed but a silver blur as he dismissed evil guards one, two, three at a time. It was surely a sight to behold, this Prince of Pirates at his most magnificent.
“Chaaaaaaaaaarge!” Screamed the Pirate-Mime crew as they followed the Captain into battle.
With a gigantic crash the two opposing forces met.
Indigo battered and thumped his way through one guard after another, Swift ran rings around evil guards until they fell dizzy to the ground, Tall Frank raised the enemy high into the air and dropped them from such a distance they sprained their ankles and swore off the fight. The Mimes also threw themselves into the battle, Gerald dazzling all with his mastery of a hula hoop.
Despite the Pirate-Mime crew’s heroic efforts however, slowly but surely the overwhelming numbers of the enemy began to take effect. Evil guard after evil guard threw themselves at Ryan and his men, one after another after another until all seemed lost.
It appeared good intention would perhaps not win the day.
Suddenly, amidst the turning tide of battle, Vindito shouted as loud as a Mime could shout, “Mimes follow me!”
The Mimes immediately stopped fighting and followed Vindito as he turned tail and fled from the field of battle as fast as his legs could carry him.
“Cowards!” Cried Indigo.
“Deserters!” Cried Swift.
“We were wrong to trust them!” Cried Tall Frank.
It appeared this was so.
It appeared the Mimes had fled as the battle grew too fierce, that they had panicked in the face of defeat.
Almost all the guards gave chase, pursuing the scrambling Mimes as they ran away.
Faster and faster the Mimes ran, faster and faster the evil guards gave chase.
Suddenly, with a swift step and a twist Vindito and his Mimes encircled the evil guards, surrounding them in an instant.
The Mimes quickly began constructing an invisible wall with much movement of arms and furious eyebrow wiggling and before the guards could respond they were trapped within a wall of illusion.
All were stunned, but there it was, an invisible wall surrounding the guards, the Mimes and pirates protected by this masterful display of the noble art of Mime.
Stumpy peeked out from behind the large rock he had selected as an observation post.
“Hurrah!” Stumpy shouted.
“I was wrong!” Cried Indigo.
“We were mistaken!” Cried Swift.
“I am tall!” Cried Tall Frank.
Then … one evil guard had an idea, quite likely his first in a while.
“This is ridiculous!” He called to the others. “There is no wall, it is simply a performance piece!”
As if to prove his point, the evil guard bent over and charged headfirst toward the invisible wall.
Ryan held his breath.
Stumpy whispered, “Oh dear.”
The Mimes stood firm and true…
The guard charged ever closer…
Ryan gasped slightly…
Stumpy covered his eyes...
The Mimes did not flinch…
The guard charged ever closer...
The Mimes held their ground…
The guard ran headfirst into the invisible wall, tipped backward with a loud groan and fell flat on his back.
With the invisible wall holding strong the evil guards were now divided. The remaining twenty or so who now stood guarding the cave would be no match for a heroic pirate like Ryan.
“Quick Stumpy, your sword!” Ordered Ryan, racing to Stumpy’s position.
“Yes Sir, fight on! And beware the remaining twenty or so guards!”
“I am not too bothered with them my friend,” replied Ryan, “I think they’ve had almost enough.”
And the remaining guards surely agreed, they were now all alone and silently hoping upon hope that Ryan would simply leave them be.
They were mistaken.
Captain Ryan would never run away from a fight.
“I shall enjoy this,” said Ryan as Stumpy handed him his sword. “I now have two swords! Brilliant! Now I will be even more unstoppable. In fact, if two swords is better than one, perhaps I shall go into battle with three swords, or four … five, six, seven or eight perhaps!”
“I’m not sure if that would be such a good idea,” replied Stumpy.
“What are you saying?”
“Well, it’s just that you only have two hands, Sir.”
“Yes … I see what you’re getting at. Alright, just the two swords for now … but take a note. In future, we shall put our heads together and figure a way to fight with many swords, ten seems a good round number.”
“Yes Sir,” said the ever obedient Stumpy.
“Right. Well, for now I shall return to battle. No need to wish me luck, I am invincible! Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!”
With this Ryan charged back toward the guards who with a loud groan readied their defence.
“Look at Swashbuckler Ryan!” exclaimed Swift.
“Ah yes ….” Replied Indigo in awe. “He certainly can buckle his swash.”
And so with oodles of both swash and buckle Ryan resumed the fight. Evil guards flew left and right as he charged and swung and parried and thrust, until there was only a single lonely guard remaining.
A single lonely nervous guard.
A single lonely nervous guard who quickly decided that running away seemed the best option. Ryan gave chase however and quickly caught the guard, spanking him on his bottom with his sword as he fled.
“That’s what you get … that’s what you get … that’s what you get!” Repeated Ryan as he dished out a lesson to the evil and cowardly guard.
“Yes … Oww! … Yes … Oww! … Yes … Oww! … I understand … Oww!” Repeated the guard as he rushed down the mountain fleeing the Prince of Pirate’s punishment.
Ryan now stood before the entrance to the great cave, within which lay the Kingdom’s gold and certain confrontation with the vile and villainous Duke Duke.
The evil villain was all that remained between Ryan and the chance to make this truly an adventure above all others. A villain the Pirate Prince knew he must face alone.
Ryan turned to his crew and to his new friends the brave Mimes.
“Men, I must leave you now and enter the dank and dusky cave, for within lies a foe who I alone must face. If I fail to return … come looking for me.” He paused. “No, on second thought, if I fail to return all is doomed … leave this place and find another Captain among you. Farewell my friends, you have fought well this day.”
With a salute to his men and a bow to the mimes the Pirate Prince stepped bravely into the darkness, unsure as to whether he would ever see the light of day again.
